What do you do when what seemed right, goes wrong...
I suddenly had perplexing and somewhat saddening thought so I decided to blog about it to get it out. In the past 4 years, I've made many new friends, kept some old friends, (unfortunately) lost some friends, and developed some older acquaintances into better friends. I understand that these things happen in life all the time. What I'm having trouble accepting is how some people can change so much in the course of a few years. I'll give a few examples to share what's troubling my mind.
This may seem really trivial and hackeneyed, but when you've had a friend for most of your life, then you get to college, and they start hanging out with a different crowd, that different crowd just completely changes who they are. A person who once seemed humble, innocent, and trustworthy, now appears more selfish, unruly, and egotistical. I may sound like I'm exaggerating this change, but it really feels like a huge difference after college. I've known this person for a very long time and only recently has this change surfaced. We were once good friends, but now I've felt that we've grown completely apart. Must I live to just accept this change? Is there nothing I can do to reverse the situation? Should I?
Another old friend is now dating a guy, who I found out was notoriously known as a player and... a guy that gets around the block... I want to look out for my friend's best interest, but because we are not the closest of friends, I feel intrusive even mentioning it. I wouldn't say she's the type that dates around a lot, but she does hang out with a lot of different people. Again, do I need to and should I do anything? I want to trust her instincts, but I'm not 100% sure. When people "fall in love" they do some stupid things, you know? Some might draw the comparision that if I were a doctor, and I saw a patient doing something that could be detrimental to their health, it would be my obligation to tell them to stop. However, when the two of you are friends, that really complicates the issue. You don't want to hurt your friends feelings, but yet they could get hurt if you don't. "Choose the lesser of two evils"... but I don't know which one is the lesser...
I have known another friend for a very long time. This person has also changed significantly after coming in to college, but it wasn't the result of hanging out with a new crowd. I don't really know what caused the change, but someone who once appeared to be a smart, witty, and hardworking individual suddenly just gave up trying. I can't pinpoint the cause at all. I don't want to become their parent and tell them to get their ass going, but I don't want them to have a bad future either. I can't let someone who could've had a bright future just fall away can I? What if I tried to give advice, but it didn't lead anywhere? Do I need to try harder some way? Why do some people just give up trying? Some people say as humans, one of our strengths is our will to perservere, and push through to survive. Why don't I see it in everyone? Is finding motivation difficult for some people? Why?
Here's a different story. Two of my friends (one long time friend and one I've made in college) have recently discovered their passion for their intended career. (So what bites? What's wrong with this one?) Nothing really I suppose. Except I feel that the person is sacrificing a lot to get where they want to be. I can't blame them for being fervent in their goals, but sometimes I feel like they're missing out on the essentials of life. Doesn't really date much, seems a little anti-social, but at the same time, has a bad habit of thinking down on people he meets if they're not "up to snuff" or have a different attitude on life than them. I kinda get the feeling that people like this will eventually grow up to be really anal-retentive people, too career focused, and overall are very pessimistic about the world around them. Yes, in order to get into a competitive field, you must be cutthroat. However, I feel like my once, kind and generous friend is becoming an asshole. (sorry to be so direct) I can't really blame him for acting that way since his intended field requires a person to be always on top of their game. Confidence is a must, but when a person starts acting like a jerk because they start thinking their better than everyone else? I think that's pretty absurd. Should I try to open their eyes and tell them to stop acting like a jerk? Yeah, I think I should. Will it hurt their ego and their mindset for pursuing their career? Maybe, or maybe it won't even affect them.
Regardless of what I wish would happen or what could happen, what will happen is change. I'm learning to accept all of these changes that have happened so that I won't be hurt when they affect me. I'm trying to learn how I can help my friends change for the better. Isn't that what friends are for?
My date with the DAT...
After a stressful and mediocre outcome from our first date, I decided to give the DAT a second chance and asked her out again. I was much more prepared this time around for her tricks and sly moves. Our 4 hour and a half hour date (with a 15 minute break) went a bit more smooth this time, but I knew I would win her over. I knew I could show her up this time. Boy she wasn't ready for me this time... When I did my deed and finished her off, she told me I was in her 96th percentile. I just walked out of the testing center and never looked back...
Well, I must say that after a horrendous and hideous past month that I'm glad happened and is over with, (i know that sentence didn't make much sense but bear with me) things have started to turn around yet again. T'is Karma. Luckily I got an interview invitation from UW so I hope to make an appointment for an interview soon. ::Thank God:: On top of that, I've got to finish the UCSF 2ndary app that I've been putting off, study like hell to make up for lost time, and go back to work... Not to mention, also make up for lost time with my good old friends =) And time that should be spent with more recent ones too! like you who may be reading this page and I don't even know... uhuh... anyway; that's an update. Hope to talk to you all soon in real life! =P
Hope this doesn't happen to me ::crosses fingers::
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
by Mark J. Macapagal The Manila Times
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.
How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.
So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."
Crazy times...
Well, since school has started, everything has gotten crazy again. The days seem endless and everything is in full swing. I'm not exactly liking any of my classes right now. Music sounds interesting, but is a lot more work than I thought it would be. Pchem is hell on earth. Microbio is interesting, but I'm not thinking too highly of it because it's microbio, which is a bio, and all bio's suck. Statistics, might be the only good class. It's not because it's interesting, but because by the far extreme odds, my good high school friend happened to sign up for it too and is in my section! I haven't taken a class with him since HS so it's cool to finally see him in class again. The unfortunate news is that I might drop this class in light of other issues mentioned later. Back the the point though... all my classes aren't very fun to say the least.
For all of you that know that I'm taking the DAT a 2nd time, well, I postponed it. All of you that didn't know, well now you know. I'm now taking it on the 16th. I just felt a little too overwhelmed during the 2nd week of school. Hopefully by then, I'll have done *some* work for my other classes so I don't completely neglect them at all b/c right now I haven't touched anything from school. This might be why I have to drop a class, just so that my school load isn't as heavy. I'm both relieved and stressed more at the same time now. Yeah, I have more time, but this just means I'll be under the gun another 2 weeks. Life's a bitch. But you just gotta roll with the punches...
